Forget everything you thought you knew

The news that scientists in the United States have taught rats to drive tiny cars is quite astounding enough, but the finding that the driving helped lower the rats' stress levels is a whole other bucket of strange.

Nicked off the internet

No longer can we describe those speeding, convoluted, back street journeys to avoid rush hour traffic jams as 'rat runs'. Well, we could, but they would have to be carried out far below the mandatory speed limit, whilst listening to gentle birdsong and inhaling the sweet aroma of neat lavender oil.

And I guess that we'll all now be trying to join the 'rat race', just as soon as these endearingly-intelligent rodents have negotiated the rights to a global single-seater championship and secured a sponsorship deal with Kalms.

Inevitably, not all of us will be able to de-stress sufficiently to maintain our progress at a whisker under the legal limit, so it is likely that rat traps will be deployed to catch the perpetrators. These will take the form of large metal rats positioned by the kerb along roads. When triggered by a speedster, the metal rat shoots out from the roadside to connect firmly with the offender's vehicle. The design prototype is called Ro-dent-i-side.

It is rumoured that the next series of The Grand Tour will feature a self-important Capybara, a nervous hamster and a Coypu which hordes Lego.