Well, there wasn't a five year plan, but here I am. Who'd've thought it, eh? Not me, that's for sure. To be honest, when I reached last year's anniversary milestone, the events that have transpired in the intervening twelve months were not on our radar or hidden over the horizon, let alone remotely constituting a plan.
(Anyone new to the blog may wish to play catch-up with the first, second, third and fourth anniversary posts, but it's not compulsory and there's not a list of questions at the end.)
Lots of folk have had Five Year Plans through history, with varying degrees of success. I suppose Stalin's will be the most well-known? But I have no intention of doubling the grain harvest from our half acre plot, or even having a grain harvest in the first place. The jokes are corny enough, there's barley a week goes by without a terrible pun and excerpts from the blog aren't about to be cerealised.
Idly flicking through the stats, the top five posts from the past five years are a mixed bag. There's not a trend as such, and the number of 'pageviews' registered are a law unto themselves.
But happily ignoring that, here's the 2009-2014 chart rundown...
At Number Five, we have 'Look what turned up on the post!' from 2009, a tale of derring-do in the insect world (373 pageviews).
At Number Four, just nudging ahead, is 'A pun to eclipse all others' from 2013, the Dark Side of the Moon track-infested post about the 40th anniversary of Pink Floyd's famous album (394 pageviews).
At Number Three, out in clear and possibly hot water, is 'Post post post' from 2011. The title referred to the fact that this post (announcement) was about a post (timber), but er... afterwards (508 pageviews).
At Number Two, several hundred hits to the good, is 'A setting sun and daughter', one of my final blogposts before leaving Milton Keynes last year. Quite why my burble about an Autumnal walk with Second Born should be so popular is a mystery (857 pageviews).
But at Number One, from 2012, with a stonking 12894 pageviews, is 'Disco no more', my eulogy to Taffy the Truck, our dear departed Series 2 Discovery. The referrer spammers and internet robots must've been busy back then.
But not this robot...
It's time for my annual appraisal of Tenseness which, this year, sees the anniversary fall on Friday the thirteenth. I acknowledge that anyone not appreciating my style of writing may consider the whole blog to be a horror story, but I'll let that pass and say that the supposed unlucky day does not hold any particular significance for me.
Other than that I was born on a Friday the thirteenth. Explains a lot, eh?
According to the interweb, the fear of this day is known as either paraskevidekatriaphobia or friggatriskaidekaphobia, which, if nothing else, has freaked the heck out of my spell checker. I find this most comforting.
Returning to the inconsequential posting statistic, I will have to admit that, at times during the past year, it has been a bit of a slog blog. But I did set myself the challenge to clock up one hundred posts during 2011. That's 'clock up', if you haven't got your reading specs on. Yes, it's another meaningless milestone, but for someone who's not a daily blogger, I thought it a reasonable target to aim for, something that was "do-able" but not a pushover.
For a wildlife blogger, the need to be outdoors to gather source material is a given, so any interruption to the flow of input will be a problem. Inevitably, Life sometimes gets in the way of such things, so it's important to seize the opportunities when they come along. I've managed to fit in a few more rants than usual during the last twelve months, as well as committing to uncomfortable subjects that brought forth... er, views. But I am heartened by the fact that whenever the Muse has taken her leave, there has always been someone around, or in the blogosphere, who can provide inspiration. Sometimes with a single word.
Thanks for being there, folks.
(But why do I put two Gs in 'bloggiversary', but only one G in 'blogosphere'? Consistent in my inconsistency, eh?)
After two years of waffling on about everything and nothing, methinks that a spot of re-appraisal and reflection is due.
A few months ago, a fellow blogger asked why I referred to where I live as "Tense Towers". It gave me quite a shock to realise that I had never even considered explaining my blog title, let alone the evolution of some of the terms within. In remedying the situation through Comments, the germ of another post was born, and now seems an appropriate moment to unleash it upon an unsuspecting world.
So why Tense Towers? The short answer is that when I set up this blog, I thought it would be all pedantic ranting about either spelling and punctuation or whether people indicated direction and lane changes when driving. To be fair, I was recovering from an operation and was as high as a kite on medication! Anyway, the name "Imperfect and tense" sort of suggested a category of verb whilst also tipping its hat to my fallible and crotchety nature. The sub title, "Instant grammatification" followed suit, punning gratification, grammar and Graeme all at once. I did say I was on drugs!
As it turns out:
1. This isn't a short answer.
2. There's a lot less ranting in the blog than I thought there would be.
3. I discovered that I rather liked writing about Nature.
4. Sadly, I do go back and correct the many mistakes I find in my previous posts.
Supposedly, every Englishman's home is his castle, so it was a short step to calling our house Tense Towers. You'll have to ask Our Lass how tense it is, but there definitely aren't any towers (I've checked). The phrase probably nods in the direction of a 1970s John Cleese sitcom "Fawlty Towers", which folk of my age quote a great deal. Whole scenes, in fact. However, I have to admit an absolute heresy and confess to not particularly enjoying FT, there was too much cringe comedy for my liking. However, for me, the most memorable bit was the opening credits, where each week, the letters on the hotel sign were re-arranged to spell something different. Classic!
Anyway, during the Comment communication, it was rightly pointed out to me that perhaps my forte wasn't grammar after all. In truth, this bit wasn't shock news, the vast majority of my posts revolve around nature, and coupled with the lack of ranting, there's a reasonable argument for renaming the blog with a more topical description.
Whilst against rebranding per se, I'm seriously considering this possibility and am pondering likely names. Perhaps I could take a fresh, green leaf out of the Fawlty Towers book and call it... "Insect. Tree. Damp fen".
Well, who would have thought it! I've managed to maintain an unsteady stream of blog burble for a whole year, making this my anniversary post.
Through what kind of drug-induced haze, exactly 365 days ago,did I presciently write that first paragraph?
"In case you're wondering, dear reader, I am most definitely not writing this whilst sitting in the kitchen sink. However, I did see a Dalmatian yesterday. These two small facts may well have set the tone for all that follows, today, tomorrow and in the future."
Why prescient? Has the numpty gone and enrolled in the Dodie Smith Appreciation Society? Are there slightly more than one hundred spotty dogs frolicking on the lawns of Tense Towers?
Heck, no, it's mainly because the bathroom is currently out of bounds undergoing refurbishment.
Still not seeing vast amounts of prescience?
Well, the works in progress have led to some drastic measures on the hygiene front...
