Monday 10 October 2011


Following my Saturday morning blogpost, the weekend turned into something of a roller coaster ride, with more ups and downs than a bouncy thing using a pogo stick on a trampoline. To be honest, I didn't think I could face writing about it, without using up my weekly allocation of expletives in the first two sentences, but so far so good.


Discovering the hides at our local nature reserve had been vandalised. Locks smashed, contents thrown out of the windows, logbook ripped up.

Cleaning up the excrement left by one of the above weak-arsed vandals in the Near Hide.

Removing from the Far Hide, the detritus and sundry used items left after an evening of carnal passion between consenting vandals.


The eleven wonderful folk, who care enough about Nature to spend a Sunday morning cutting down Willow, Hawthorn and Brambles to help restore a butterfly bank for wild flowers and insects. And who helped me find my broken glasses when a branch made a bit of a spectacle of me.

Spotting a roosting Migrant Hawker dragonfly on the trunk of a tree that was about to be felled. Needless to say, I still had intact specs at this point. The dragon perched on my hand for a while, wing-whirring to gain heat in its flight muscles, before taking to the air and disappearing from view.

The fact that the consenting vandals were using condoms. With any luck, there'll be less of the ignorant fuckwits around in the future.

Oh, poot! I nearly made it to the end without recourse to profanity.


Katie (Nature ID) said...

Hearing of your bitter really chaps my hide. Fun to hear about the dragon landing on you.

Imperfect and Tense said...

Now there's a quirky phrase and a funny, punning one too, despite the context!

The dragonfly was cold and in a perilous place, so it was relatively easy to coax him onto my finger. Some folks grab the wings, but that seems too invasive to me. Far better to gently touch the back legs, then the middle pair and finally the front ones and, hey presto, one dragonfly rescued.

Katie (Nature ID) said...

Hey, I think it was an appropriate pun given the context. "Chaps my hide" is American slang for something that makes me angry or irritated. That's about the best punning you'll get out of me.

Imperfect and Tense said...

Sorry, it wasn't a criticism :o(

I meant that the pun brought a smile to my face even though I was recalling the vandalistic circumstances of the incident.

The world needs more puns!

Katie (Nature ID) said...

Oh. I get your drift now. Considering English isn't my first language, I've always thought it lacked the capacity to truly communicate. Puns are fun(s).

I appreciated how you pointed out the f*ckers (literally and figuratively) who did the vandalism won't likely have children... at least from this experience.

Imperfect and Tense said...

Considering that English is my only language, you could be right! Though I do know a few words in Gibberish. Am I too lazy or too stupid? The reasons are few and fairly pathetic.